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41 Life Events, Experiences and Decisions That Got Me Here

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Our past helps to shape who we have become as well as impact who we may become. Our past is made up of personal experiences that we can turn into stories worth sharing.

Today I turn 41. I’ve enjoyed a blessed life filled with events, experiences and decisions that have shaped me. I want to share them with you so that you can come to know me better. This post lists 41 life events, experiences and decisions that have shaped my life.

If you have not taken the time to reflect on your life experiences, events and decisions that create your personal stories, I recommend that you do. I also recommend that you write your stories down. Commit them to paper and share them so others may learn a little more about you and themselves.

Finally, one thing I’ve confirmed about myself as I carried out this exercise it that I love people. Even though sometimes, I might not act like it, I love all people. I just do. Every day the first thing I do when I

Joseph McCrary by my side with LEAD Ambassadors

wake up is pray. I pray for my family, of course, but I also pray for you and others. Those I’ve met and those I have not. I believe in the power of prayer and ask that as you send up prayers every day, please pray for me as well.

I hope you learn something significant from reading the following. I look forward to hearing your story someday.

  1. Day One: I was born to Willie and Gail Stewart on April 10, 1976 at Grady Memorial Hospital. 
  2. Family: I become a big brotherI became a big brother to Nicole Stewart on February 16, 1979 and again to Erica Stewart on January 16, 1991. 
  3. Faith: When I was eight or so, Reverend James E. Hightower baptized me at Elizabeth Baptist Church (EBC); in my 30s I became a Deacon at First Rephidim Missionary Baptist Church; and, starting in January, 2016 I became, and now serve as, a Deacon EBC. 
  4. Elementary School: I was educated within Atlanta Public Schools – kindergarten through fifth grade and, in first grade, exposed to Herndon Home and, in second grade, flew on an airplane round trip. 
  5. First Fight: During Grove Park summer camp around 8 years of age. 
  6. Middle and High School: I was educated within Fulton County schools – 6th through 12th grade and, during my junior year at Westlake High School, visited Chick-fil-A headquarters as part of the curriculum. 
  7. Attended First Minor League Baseball Game: At 11, I visited Boardwalk and Baseball theme park in Haines City, Florida, and attended my first minor league baseball game as a spectator. 
  8. Youth Baseball: I played youth baseball at Cascade Youth Organization (CYO) and Old National Athletic Association (ONAA). 
  9. Childhood Friends: Antwon Smith, Jeff Coleman, Eric Hayes family and Patrick Miller were childhood friends that inspired and encouraged me like no other. 
  10. Acting Out in High School: I was removed from Westlake High School team because of a bad attitude, got into a fight, and in 10th grade was arrested at Shannon Mall on MLK Day. 
  11. Professional Baseball: In 1994, my senior year of high school, I was drafted by the Chicago Cubs, and then in 1996, I was drafted again while attending DeKalb College, and released by Cubs within two years of being signed. 
  12. College: I failed out of Georgia State University in 1995, Dekalb College in 1996, and later, in 2003, attended Kennesaw State University where I maintained a B average. 
  13. Hank Aaron and Jury Duty: I served as a juror with Hank Aaron my rookie year of professional baseball. 
  14. Wedding Day: At 21, I married Kelli who was 19. 
  15. Marriage – The Early Years: Kelli and I moved into our first apartment and, during the off-season of professional baseball, I worked at ASIG fueling airplanes at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport. 
  16. New Business after the Cubs: In 1998, I became a professional baseball hitting coach at Sports-A-Rama in Marietta, but quit after our first daughter, Mackenzi was born in May 2001 to start our family for profit Diamond Directors. 
  17. Daughters and Significant Early Milestones: When I became a father, in May 2001, at the birth of my daughter Mackenzi, and then again in June 2007 at the birth of my second daughter Mackenna, their first days of kindergarten, and the day they gave their life to Christ. 
  18. Special Thanksgiving Day Event: Thanksgiving dinner with Ken Griffey Jr. and his family 
  19. Scouting for the Reds: I became a Cincinnati Reds Scout in 2000. 
  20. Coaching East Cobb Baseball: I coached within the internationally renowned East Cobb Baseball program 2000-2006. 
  21. An Ah Ha Moment: In 2005, I attended the First Annual Birdies and Baseball benefiting Children’s Healthcare, and spent several days with Atlanta’s influential men to discover that I was considered an up and coming leader in Atlanta. I learned that I was there because of the leadership and service I had demonstrated up to that point and future leadership potential. 
  22. First House and Community: Kelli and I purchased our first house and two years later I saved a young boy in the neighborhood from a pitbull attack. 
  23. Pro-Football on a Dare: I trained for a year to try out for the Falcons and Georgia Force after a dare from Kelli. 
  24. L.E.A.D. and McCrary: In 2007, our non-profit organization L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) was born; and a few years later, one of our first L.E.A.D Ambassadors, Joseph McCrary, graduated with honors from Savannah State University, became employed by our L.E.A.D. partner Mizuno and now serves on L.E.A.D.’s Executive Board. 
  25. Diamond Directors Expands: In 2007, we establish Diamond Directors Sports Management Group and represent several Top Round MLB Draft picks that later played in the Major Leagues. 
  26. Milestone for Diamond Directors’ Client Heyward: In 2010, I witnessed Diamond Directors’ training client Jason Heyward hit his MLB Opening Day, and first career, homerun on his first MLB at-bat. 
  27. C.J. Stewart Day in the ATL: Atlanta City Councilman Michael Julian Bond proclaimed November 20, 2010 C.J. Stewart Day. 
  28. Rotary Membership: I accepted Khaatim S. El’s invitation to join Rotary, and became a Rotary member. 
  29. Snowmageddon and Discovering a New Passion: I was stuck on Atlanta’s highways with my daughter Mackenzi during Snowmageddon 2014, downloaded the Audible app and discovered a new passion for game changing books, such as Building Atlanta by Herman Russell, Mental Game of Baseball and Talent Code. 
  30. Media Events: I was featured in a Georgia’s Own Credit Union commercial, a Mizuno Baseball commercial, an Apple commercial with four L.E.A.D. Ambassadors (2.25 mark), debuted on Chrisley Knows Best and appeared in Tanner Tees video with Devon Shaw announcing its partnership with L.E.A.D. 
  31. Significant Outing Experiences: I experienced life in the mountains of Montana for several days with American Explorers, as well as insomnia at a 7-day USA Baseball event after just learning about what was thought to be a bad health report. 
  32. Leadercast Event: I attended my first Leadercast event in 2013. 
  33. Kelli and Significant Milestone: My wife, Kelli, became such an inspiration to me as I witnessed first-hand the grit required of her reach her goal to graduate with honors from Kennesaw State University. 
  34. Financial Education: John White became our family’s financial advisor and introduced me to my discipleship partner Mike Moye. 
  35. Life-Changing Kingdom Man: In 2013, I joined a life-changing church-wide study called Kingdom Man by Tony Evans, and now enjoy The Locker Room at Elizabeth Baptist Church.
  36. Benediction for Donald Green Inauguration: Donald Green, President of Georgia Highlands College, blessed me with the opportunity to give the benediction at his inauguration.
  37. Leadership Atlanta: In 2015, I completed my Leadership Atlanta cohort education where I became empowered to serve as a change agent in Atlanta. 
  38. My Dad’s Bypass Surgery: My dad had successful quadruple bypass surgery and his experience caused me to change my diet and exercise regimen.
  39. My Content Crew: I am blessed to have a great relationship with my “Content Crew” consisting of Mike Pallerino, Goebel Media, Rose Caplan, Brigitte Peck,

    and Dez Thornton…they help me bring my thoughts to you.

  40. My First Book: I was challenged by Gabriel Wallace to write a book Living To L.E.A.D. A Story of Passion, Purpose and Grit and took her up on it. 
  41. “Meeting” My Mom’s Dad: I never had a chance to meet my grandfather, Elester Moss, Sr. However, just recently, on April 5, 2017, while my mom was recovering from surgery, I saw a photo of him for the first time, and discovered how I resemble him. 

When to Give Up on Black Teenage Males, and Why?

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“Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.” – John Wayne

When you serve as a mentor or coach there may come a time when you have done all you can for a person. No matter how well-intentioned you are, or how able you may be, it is possible that your protégé stops listening to you and stops acting on your advice. The best thing to do at that point is to sever the relationship, and let the person go.

For me, I believe ultimately that God is in control. Aside from that, I can do what I know works to affect change in people but real change happens through personal experiences. I can offer a young man the framework for those experiences but unless he commits to the methodology and follows through I can’t help him change.

As the CEO (Chief Empowerment Officer) of L.E.A.D., I coach and mentor at-risk young Black males to empower them to lead and transform their city of Atlanta. L.E.A.D.’s methodology is framed on the game of baseball. When a young man signs on with L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) they become a L.E.A.D. Ambassador and with that they make a commitment. In addition to joining L.E.A.D.’s baseball team, an Ambassador must commit to the ABC’S which is an acronym for:

  • Attendance
  • Behavior
  • Curriculum (academic achievement)
  • Service to others

Sounds simple enough, but follow through on the commitment is hard and oftentimes a struggle. If an Ambassador is not willing to commit to the ABC’S to have the experiences necessary to build the character he needs to become a leader in this ever-changing world, then I can’t help him and the relationship ends. That’s the “when”.

Sounds harsh? Here’s the “why”. I know he knows better, but he is just refusing to do better and that makes him stupid. I define stupidity as failing to do better even when you know better.

I understand what it is to be a young Black teenage male and what it is to be stupid. My Mom and Dad raised me in the church and I grew up knowing right from wrong. Even so, I did a lot of stupid things as a teen. In middle school, I skipped school. In

My elementary school days

high school, I stole my dad’s truck and in college, I missed over 30% of my classes. I knew better, but failed to do what I knew to be the right thing. I was just plain stupid. A lot of time has gone by since then but I had the experiences of being stupid, and learned from them. I also learned that life is tougher when you’re stupid.

Further, I understand commitment, struggle and grit. It is my legacy as a Black man. Through centuries, Black folks persevered despite the horrors and other obstacles they faced. For instance, a Black man looking at a White woman the wrong way led to a lynching. The Black community has also been denied opportunities to get an education. These are just a couple of examples of the terror and injustice endured by our Black community for hundreds of years. Through commitment, struggle and grit we have persisted and overcome much. Things are better today, but there is much left to do, which is why I serve at-risk young Black males in Atlanta through L.E.A.D.

A young Black male will not outgrow stupid if he doesn’t commit to the struggle to attain grit and build character. At L.E.A.D. we provide the

opportunities for the experiences necessary for a young Black male to be the best he can be. We recognize commitment as showing up, being respectful, and taking advantage of opportunities available to better oneself. Doing otherwise shows lack of commitment to L.E.A.D. I will welcome a L.E.A.D. Ambassador back when he is willing to recommit and enter the struggle to build character and learn to lead.


Have you purchased my new Amazon Bestselling book Living To L.E.A.D. A Story of Passion, Purpose and Grit? Click here to get it NOW.


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Why commercialization doesn’t help Black communities

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Editor’s Note: This is the final installment in our two-part series on why commercialization doesn’t work for organizations like L.E.A.D.

In the first part of this series, we talked about how important it is to resist the temptation to water down the reality of growing up in Black communities so that our programs will be more palatable to those who may support us. I believe that when we do this, our organization reduces its value to make a profit.

We don’t need consumers. We need role models who can help younger boys learn and be inspired. Consumers come into the Black inner cities to make things easier. Don’t

Khalil Gilstrap is a senior L.E.A.D. Ambassdor

get me wrong. I’m not turning my nose up at helping. Helping is great, as long as we agree on what helping actually means and what success actually looks like.

Helping is not enabling. Helping is empowering. According to Arthur Brooks’ book, Conservative Heart, poor people need three things, in this order:

Values
A little bit of help
A lot of hope

L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) is founded on the values I lacked, because I know that is why I failed to graduate from college and be successful in the Major Leagues. I associated values with Church, not ballfields and classrooms. I did not apply what I learned in the pews to what I was doing in the batter’s box, and that is where I failed.

It’s not enough for children to only learn values in Church. We have an obligation to teach children values wherever they are – school, after school programs, and sports practice. If we don’t focus on values, we will fail to empower them to succeed.

Sometimes, it’s easier to just come in and offer some help. It makes things better for those in need; it makes the ones helping feel good, but it’s not sustainable. I wish non-profits would learn that there is a more to relationships with inner city Atlanta families than providing a lot of help that forces folks to be dependent on others. We need to empower, not enable. That is what gives people hope.

Hope comes from showing up even when the other person has let you down. Hope comes from knowing that someone else believes in you. Hope comes when you realize that you have as much to teach someone as you have to learn from them. Hope is why L.E.A.D. is committed to being true to itself.

L.E.A.D. is audacious, bold, and cautious. I know that seems in conflict, but it’s not.

Our mission is to empower an at-risk generation to lead and transform their city of Atlanta. Our vision is to lead their City of Atlanta to lead the world. That’s audacious. Just ask some of our board members, who asked if that was realistic. Our very bold answer was YES!

Our standards are clear, our expectations are high, and our accountability is swift. L.E.A.D. is developing Atlanta’s future leaders today. We will succeed. We are not scared to say that. We are working

D’Angelo Julio is a senior L.E.A.D. Ambassador

toward the day when the need for L.E.A.D. will cease to exist.

To deliver on this bold agenda, we have to be cautious about what we do and with whom we do it. One of our six core values is stewardship, and that means we will protect our program from those who are looking to help in a way that makes them feel better, but does not empower our boys to make a better life.

Only in being true to ourselves can we help make young Black males true to themselves. There is no higher calling for me, and I am proud to L.E.A.D. the way.


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Why L.E.A.D. is a Nonprofit

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Editor’s Note: This is the first in a two-part series on why commercialization doesn’t work for organizations like L.E.A.D.


Not surprisingly, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) is successful in empowering Black males to live a life of significance. I believe it is because our program is:

Philosophical
Methodical
Ethical
Accountable
Deliverable

These are the same qualities I base my for-profit work on, but when we apply them to L.E.A.D. it is different. We aren’t trying to make a profit off of this work. We don’t worry about how potential consumers will respond when we make decisions about how best to serve there boys. I don’t think it would be good for the organization, and I know it would not be good for the youth we serve.

It would be great if all non-profits could be run like Fortune 100 companies. But a lack of funds often drives non-profits that serve Black males to tailor their programs so they have “commercial success.” Why? Because there are a lot of crime ridden American inner cities with low performing schools, which leads to a sense that we need to rapidly scale good non-profits that are serving Black males.

L.E.A.D. is a disruptor. It intentionally and strategically levels the playing field for Black males through America’s Favorite Pastime – baseball. The boys in our program have to work hard to stay in our program, and so do we. That’s because the reality of

our boys’ lives is hard. Supporting them requires that people face up to tough issues – issues that may make people uncomfortable. If you hang around L.E.A.D., you will see that we have lots of conversations about racism. We have to, because racism is a cloud that hangs over the heads of Black males today.

For generations, racism has perpetuated poverty in Atlanta. Without racism, academic outcomes, housing, and health in Atlanta would be better. According to the Atlanta Metro Chamber of Commerce, if you are born into poverty in Atlanta, you have a 4% chance of making it out. Four percent.

Today, there are Black boys sitting in classrooms all across Atlanta who have the ability to do incredible things – cure cancer, build bridges, teach others. What they don’t have is the hope that they can be among that 4% who make it out of poverty to live up to their potential. We want to change that.

The idea that we can is not as farfetched as you might think. Remember, Martin Luther King, Jr., was born and raised in the inner city of Atlanta and was educated in Atlanta public schools during segregation.


People often suggest to me that L.E.A.D. should stop talking about racism and poverty. Their reasoning is that it will make people who may support us feel more comfortable. Focus on the baseball, they tell me. But here’s the deal – how do you realistically increase the number of Black males competing in sports – and in life – without talking about racism?

Today, fewer than

C.J. with the L.E.A.D. Ambassadors at Turner Field

8% of players in Major League Baseball are Black. That seems surprising until you realize that 70% of the players drafted have played on the collegiate level and only 3% of NCAA Division I baseball players are Black. Changing this is going to take more than just talking baseball.

Building fields in inner cities and providing new baseball equipment is like building brand new schools and providing Apple laptops. You end up hoping that the students will figure out how to be educated.

We are doing more than hoping, which is why we won’t avoid the uncomfortable topics. If we want these Black males to succeed, we need to be more worried about their realities than we are about making other people comfortable. That may mean that it takes us a little longer to scale our program, but that’s ok, because I’ve learned patience.

Patience means more than waiting. Patience is waiting without anger. I’m a Black man who’s using baseball to provide hope and praying that by being true to our core values, we can L.E.A.D. the way without selling ourselves out.


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I hear you talking but what are you saying?

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Convolution is a word that I added to my vocabulary a year ago after reading a blog. It means to intentionally complicate something that is simple. Ironically, several days later I was at a Leadership Atlanta CEO Roundtable with AT&T’s Ralph de la Vega and asked him this question.


How do you combat convolution?
He responded that you combat it by being clear, concise and consistent. I thought to myself, that’s the solution that I’m looking for and then I realized that being clear, concise and consistent ain’t easy to do.

Clarity + Conciseness + Consistency = Simplicity

Communication isn’t just talking. It’s about understanding. Poor communication can make you vulnerable and being

vulnerable around the wrong people can make you prey.

What does good communication feel like?
Good communication feels like breathing air. You can see it,

Jon Johnson is a senior at Westlake High School

but you suffer when it’s not there.

Why do you need good communication in your life?
You need good communication in order to experience peace. Let your “yes” be your yes, and your “no” your no.

How do you maintain good communication?
You keep good communication going by asking SAQ’s (Should Ask Questions) and not FAQ’s (Frequently Asked Question). SAQ’s forces people to go deep. Convolutors win when simplicity is not demanded. For example:

FAQ: How do you feel about the situation at the office?
SAQ: What are 1-3 things that trigger a negative response for you at the office when you hear it and see it?

How do we avoid convolution? By being unwaveringly committed to being clear, concise and consistent with our communication.

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